Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
