I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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