just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
