Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
