PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
