There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
