I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
