Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
