We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
