My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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