the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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