Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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