I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
