pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
