you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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