Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
