you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
