so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Randomize
