The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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