Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
