Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
