sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
