I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize