mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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