The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
