i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
