Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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