You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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