Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
