Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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