Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
