thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
