Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
