he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
