woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
