There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
