u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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