I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
