My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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