do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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