I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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