I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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