So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
