Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
