Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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