What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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