the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
