the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
