You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
