I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
