as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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