it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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