So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
