Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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