We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
